Midnight Earrings

“Honey?”

“mmmm.”

“Honey, are you awake?”

“mmmm.”

“Honey, what do you think of these earrings?”

“It’s dark in here.”

“I’ve been up all night making these. They need to be ready for the show. What do you think? Do you think the glass drops are too long for the fishhook earrings? Or do you think they are simply fantastic, major overdrive statement jewelry.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I think they’re just too long. I just spent three hours opening jump rings and closing jump rings, making these fish earrings too big, and the acorn earrings too small. I think I’m going to go back, and open all those jump rings again, and switch the fish hooks and the French ear hooks. The long dangles need the short earwire, the short acorns need the long fish hooks. What do you think, Hun?”

“I hate earrings.”

“But then have I created a whole set of earrings that are the same length essentially. Instead of having short and medium and really long, as some women have short necks, medium necks, and long necks. Or are long earrings just IN and everything should be sort of pumped up, you know, today’s short is yesterday’s hanging down to the navel.”

“Earrings give me a choking feeling.”

“Just tell me straight, you’re beating around the bush. You think one dangle on one earwire – boring! They need the third heat. The third heat! What can I do to punch these things up?”

“I hate jewelry.”

“You just won’t tell me what you really think, will you. You’re trying to be nice. What you really want to say is, ‘Those earrings make you look fat.’ That’s what’s behind this, isn’t it? You’re thinking I don’t have the neck to make these earrings work, and they make me look like a fat schlub. “

“Take those seriously sexy earrings off, and go to bed, hun.”

“Mmm. Seriously sexy? Are they really seriously sexy? Maybe I could get some sleep tonight.”

“Seriously sexy.”

“Maybe I did some good work tonight. Cool. Yeah. These are great. Yeah. I’m gonna get my PJs. Thank you honey. I knew I could talk to you. I just knew, all I have to do is run this past my honey, and I’ll know just where I stand.  Awesome. Tucson is going to be great! Love you hun. Good night.”

“Goooood night hun.”